Living Out Loud – Why Vulnerability is a Strength, Not a Weakness
For most of my life, I lived behind closed curtains. Not literally, but in the sense that I worked hard to maintain a facade, to protect myself and my family from the gaze of the outside world. This was something I learned early on, growing up in an alcoholic household.
Trigger Warning: This blog discusses emotional and verbal abuse. Please take care of yourself.
When you live in that kind of environment, you’re taught—implicitly or explicitly—not to let people see too much. You don’t want them to look inside the house too closely because the truth of what’s happening behind the scenes doesn’t match the picture-perfect exterior. The chaos, the pain, the emotional violence—it all gets hidden away, and you learn to survive by keeping it quiet.
I carried that lesson forward into adulthood. I kept the curtains closed as I navigated a first marriage marked by substance abuse and emotional volatility. And even after I left that marriage, I continued to keep my story hidden. I shared the truth of my experiences with fewer than five people, including my therapist.
But something shifted in me during the transition out of my second marriage. I realized that staying quiet, keeping my story locked away, was no longer serving me. It was keeping me stuck in shame. And it was preventing me from connecting with others in a meaningful way.
This blog post, this entire series, is a step into living out loud in a way I’ve never done before. It’s terrifying—and liberating.
The Reality of Emotional Violence
I don’t think my story is that unique, though. Many of us have experienced what I call “emotional violence.” It’s not always physical—it doesn’t leave visible scars—but it cuts just as deeply.
Emotional violence can look like losing control in a fit of rage, using words as weapons, or manipulating someone to bend to your will. It’s the kind of behavior that leaves a lasting impression, especially on children who don’t yet have the tools to understand that the problem isn’t them.
I believe that so many people have experienced emotional violence in one form or another. And it’s not that I want to normalize it in the sense that we accept it or become accustomed to it. Quite the opposite. I want to normalize talking about it so that we can heal it.
Breaking the Cycle
We have to change the way we deal with emotional instability and pain. None of us are perfect. Every single one of us will lose control at one point or another. We’ll say things we regret, behave in ways we’re not proud of, and fall apart in front of the people we love.
But perfection isn’t the goal. Ownership is.
We have to take responsibility for our actions, even when they’re ugly, even when they hurt others. And we have to model this for the next generation. We have to show them what it looks like to be emotionally regulated, to own our mistakes, and to work toward repairing the harm we’ve caused. That’s how we break the cycle. That’s how we create a better, healthier future.
What Kaleidoscope Represents
This is exactly what Kaleidoscope is about. It’s a space where you can drop the boundaries, the stories, and the protections you’ve built up over time. It’s a place where you can explore the nooks and crannies of your own psyche—not to wallow in the pain, but to heal and grow.
Kaleidoscope was born out of my own healing journey. It’s the culmination of everything I’ve learned through surviving emotional violence, leaving toxic environments, and unpacking the core wounds that have shaped the way I see myself and the world.
Each one of us has a core wound. For most of us, it forms during adolescence, in response to something painful we didn’t yet have the tools to understand.
For me, that wound began with my father. His rage and the way he treated me shaped the story I told myself about who I was and what I deserved. That story followed me into my first marriage, where it was reinforced by more emotional violence.
But here’s the incredible thing: that same core wound has become my vocation. The pain I endured, the lessons I learned, and the healing I’ve worked so hard to achieve have become my most valuable offering.
Turning Pain Into Purpose
I’ve come to see that my core wound isn’t just a source of pain—it’s also a source of purpose. By sharing my experiences, I can support others in their own healing journeys. I can help them recognize their core wounds, understand the stories they’ve been telling themselves, and begin the process of rewriting those narratives.
The truth is, none of us are alone in our struggles. The more I’ve opened up about my story, the more I’ve realized how many people can relate. We have shared experiences, shared wounds, and shared hopes for something better.
This is why vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. When we share our truths, even when it feels scary or uncomfortable, we create connection. We find common ground. And that connection is the antidote to shame.
An Invitation to Heal Together
If you’ve ever felt like you had to keep the curtains closed, like your struggles were too messy or too shameful to share, I want you to know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to stay silent.
In Kaleidoscope, we create a safe space for vulnerability. We embrace the broken pieces, the raw truths, and the uncomfortable feelings, because we know that’s where healing begins.
Together, we can explore the parts of ourselves we’ve been afraid to face and find the strength to grow into the best versions of ourselves.
Perfection isn’t the goal. Connection is. Ownership is. Growth is.
I invite you to join me in this journey. Let’s drop the masks, open the curtains, and step into the light. Let’s heal together.
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With love and hope,
Jen Day
