The Moment I Realized I Deserved Better

There comes a moment in every journey when everything shifts—a moment of clarity that changes how you see yourself, your circumstances, and your life. For me, that moment came the day my youngest son called 911.

Trigger Warning: This blog discusses emotional and verbal abuse. Please take care of yourself.

It was a day that shook me to my core. My son, only 12 years old, had been brave enough to take that step, to reach out for help when things became too much. But what happened afterward opened my eyes to a truth I could no longer ignore: we were not safe. Staying was no longer an option.

The Aftermath That Changed Everything

In the weeks that followed, I watched the manipulation unfold. Instead of apologizing for his behavior or acknowledging the harm he had caused, my ex-husband punished my son. He didn’t yell or lash out—he did something far more insidious. He stopped speaking to him.

For almost three weeks, my ex-husband gave my son the cold shoulder. He made my son feel guilty, ashamed, and disloyal for exposing the truth to someone outside the family. For a 12-year-old, it was impossible to understand why “doing the right thing” had resulted in this kind of rejection.

Until that moment, my youngest had been what many would call “The Golden Child.” He had been spared the anger and manipulation that my other children and I had endured. But now, for the first time, he felt the full weight of his father’s wrath—not through shouting, but through calculated silence and punishment. Watching my son carry that guilt and confusion broke something inside me.

It was at that moment that I knew: we couldn’t stay. Not just for my safety, but for theirs. I couldn’t keep exposing my children to this toxic, manipulative environment and expect them to thrive.

How Did I Get Here?

That experience forced me to confront some hard questions—questions I had been avoiding for years.

How did I get here?

How did this become my life?

How, after growing up in a middle-class, privileged home with two parents and a good education, did I end up in a relationship like this?

There was so much shame attached to these questions. On paper, my life looked like it should have been perfect. I had every opportunity, every resource to create a “good life.” And yet, I had found myself in a marriage where manipulation, fear, and control were the norm.

For years, I carried that shame. I told myself that I should have known better, that I should have seen the signs earlier, that I shouldn’t have let it get this far. But here’s what I’ve learned: shame thrives in silence. And the more I stayed silent, the harder it became to see the truth.

The Poison of Shame

For years, I carried the weight of shame, and it nearly consumed me. Shame is a quiet poison—it isolates you, whispers lies that you’re unworthy, and convinces you that you’re alone in your struggle. It thrives in silence, growing stronger the longer we keep our pain hidden. I didn’t tell anyone the full extent of what I was going through because I was afraid of being judged or misunderstood. I thought, How could someone like me—someone who had a good education, a supportive upbringing, and so many privileges—end up in a situation like this? That shame became a prison, keeping me stuck in fear and self-doubt.

What I’ve come to understand is that shame feeds on secrecy, and it can drive us to the darkest places. It’s not just a feeling—it’s a force that can take over your thoughts, your decisions, and your hope. But shame loses its power when we bring it into the light. Speaking my truth, even to just a few trusted people, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done—but it was also one of the most healing. It reminded me that I wasn’t alone, that my story didn’t define me, and that I still had the power to change my life.

Transforming Shame into Empowerment

Writing these emails and launching the Kaleidoscope program has become another powerful act of cleansing shame from my life. Each word I put on the page, each story I share, serves as a reminder that I am not defined by my past or the struggles I’ve faced. Instead, I am reclaiming my narrative and using it to empower myself and others. By speaking openly about my experiences, I am breaking the silence that once held me captive, transforming what was once a source of shame into a catalyst for healing and connection.

This journey is not just about my own liberation; it’s about creating a space for others to find their voices too. Through the Kaleidoscope program, I hope to inspire others to confront their own pain, recognize their worth, and embrace the possibility of transformation. We can turn our stories into sources of strength, and in doing so, we can help each other heal and grow.

You Deserve Better, Too

If you’re reading this and you find yourself stuck in a situation that doesn’t honor your worth, I want you to know this: You are not alone. You are not powerless. And you deserve better.

It’s not easy to face the patterns and themes that have shaped your relationships, but it’s necessary. Because once you see them, you can start to change them. You can start to create a life that reflects your true value—a life filled with safety, love, and joy.

If this resonates with you, I want you to remember: You are stronger than you think. You have the

power to choose yourself, just as I did. And when you do, you will see just how much you’re capable of.

With love and hope,

Jen Day